Internal analysis


By May 30, 2009No Comments

I expected, and was actually relieved to find that this year would be a bit challenging. 2003 was a horrible year for me, as was 2006. 2009 isn’t shaping up much better. But this is good as I think I am simply willing it to happen through my own actions and self sabotaging habits. This also means (pending truth in patterns) 2010 will be great!

Nothing as Earth shaking as 03/6 has happened yet, but all of the expected oddities are surfacing.

  • -lack of raises.
  • -forced unpaid time off.
  • -forced vacation.
  • -family politics (Don’t expect much expansion on this)
  • -lack of savings.

It is good though. I actually always come out of these years much stronger because of the trials of what happens.

To lighten things, here are some of the positives-

  • -I start teaching the first week of July.
  • -My bike is tuned and ready for the bike n’ shoot season.
  • -My projector has a new lamp.
  • -I finished all of my damn achievements in Fallout. (Can’t WAIT for the next expansion!!)
  • -I am running on the weekends.
  • -I am learning about home buying.
  • -I had an illustration published in a local zine.
  • -I was published in Cadalyst Magazine.

It would appear the positives are out-weighing the negatives. I can’t wait to see what the year throws at me. *Shakes fist at year*

I am also starting to aggressively get into surface generation in Rhino 4 via Grasshopper plug-in and also model and composite robots into photographs.

Rhino 4 by McNeel is an amazing tool. I’ve been familiar with it since my friend Don Hogan showed it to my back in death year 2003. I love the intuitiveness of the software commands and how friendly the GUI is. You can teach yourself the basic commands in about 2 days of solid study and be off to the races in no time. I render through V-Ray for Rhino from the amazing guys at ASGVIS. Shout out to Damien Alomar. He and Mich and all those folks are incredibly helpful in answering all of your questions and helping you grow.

What else?…I am at Season 5 disc 7 of Beverly Hills 90210. Slowly drifting through an ocean of suck just to do it.

Speaking of ritualistic video watching–This is very old, but I am just now hip to it. I first saw this kid’s videos through (don’t visit that site…full of nightmares). Self proclaimed stand up comedian, magician, cool moves founder, and singer Mr. DaxFlame runs a channel on where he rants about teenage life, high school antics, and living through the eyes of a person with a beautiful imagination and infinite levels of insecurity. I really enjoy his awkwardness and complete candid nature. Over the last few days, I finished watching all 147 videos. Each video is about 4-5 minutes long. I think what really gets me is the endless undercurrent of mythology that trails behind him like a piece of toilet paper. His nom de plume is Bernice Jauch III, which later he confesses is is not in fact his real name. Many people are out to expose him as a fraud or what not. The name Madison Patrello comes up often when searching through search engines for his videos, postings, and facts. It is absolutely amazing home many people want to tear him down. I feel as though, regardless if he is[the most brilliant] an actor trying to entertain or just a painfully awkward teenager just trying to grow up and understand the world around him through broken quotes, hilarious movies, and emotional out-lettings, he is doing it for himself and to make others smile. I suppose it stuck so deeply with me to watch his videos because of how much they remind me of myself at that age. A perfect example is his video of how to save the world from ‘global warmings’ in a video he calls “A Convienent Truth” . Just the level of improvisation and wonderful naivety just reminds me of how kids assume certain things around them based upon the limited scope they have on life so far.

Kudos Mr. Flame. I applaud your truths.

As I learned from my brief stint of having the camera on me, I will stick with the keyboard and my words to my mind spill dizzy. Because words, well, “Words hurt worse than if someone froze a sledgehammer and hit your crotch over and over and if your a girl if they hit your face”-Dax Flame





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